DISCOVER:
A TRAVELERS RANT

Dear Man at Gate B4 With the Floor-Kissed Hard-Boiled Egg, Ciao, my loves. It is I, Sassy Sorentina, reporting live from the Savannah airport — a place I once believed to be charming… until today’s event unfolded before my innocent Italian eyes. Picture it: I’m sitting at the gate, minding my own glamorous business, touching up my lip gloss, manifesting an upgrade, when suddenly — PLOP. Something white and oval hits the floor. A hard-boiled egg. Rolling. Rolling. Rolling… lik

Dear Man at the Next Table Who Treated the Parmesan Like It Owed Him Money, Thank you for tonight’s unexpected culinary thriller. I was simply enjoying my pasta when you reached for the Parmesan shaker and proceeded to aggressively pulverize your plate like you were salting a driveway in a Michigan blizzard. Sir, I have never witnessed someone commit violence with cheese until today. You weren’t sprinkling; you were summoning. The way you shook that shaker, I thought it might

Dear Uber Driver Hosting a Full International Conference Call, Thank you for picking me up for what I naïvely believed would be a calm 30-minute ride. But the moment I sat down, you immediately launched into a multi-person speaker-phone call in a language I do not speak… and at a volume usually reserved for fire drills and nightclub DJs. Sir, it is 6pm on a Monday night. Most people are decompressing, listening to music, or questioning their life choices. Meanwhile, you are a

Dear Underwear Hiding Beneath the Curtains, Ciao, bella — or should I say ciao, brutta sorpresa? I just checked into my Fairmont suite, ready for a little luxury, a little prosecco, a little “treat yourself” moment… and there you are. Lurking under the drapes like a shameful secret from housekeeping’s past. At first, I thought my eyes were deceiving me. Surely, a Fairmont would not come with bonus drawers , no? But alas, there you lie. Wrinkled. Haunted. Possibly sentient. W

Dear Parents of the Tiny WWE Champion in 11A, Hello from 12A — or as I now call it, the front row seat to your baby’s one-person wrestling show. While I fully support early childhood development, I wasn’t prepared for your little bundle of joy to crawl over the seatback like a caffeinated Cirque du Soleil performer, screaming directly into my skull while enthusiastically slapping my head like a bongo drum. At one point, I wasn’t sure if we were still flying Southwest or had b

Dear Passenger Who Tried to Open the Overhead Bin Mid-Takeoff, I get it — patience is hard. But when you stood up mid-takeoff as the seatbelt sign glowed like the gates of hell and tried to open the overhead bin, you single-handedly triggered the collective anxiety of 127 passengers and one flight attendant who nearly developed a nervous tic. Sir, we are still climbing. The plane is tilted at a 45-degree angle. If you open that bin right now, we’re about to be pelted by rogue

Dear Lyft Driver of My Midnight Horror Ride, Thank you for the smooth pickup tonight. Unfortunately, my gratitude evaporated the moment I looked up and made eye contact with the nightmare creature dangling from your rearview mirror. Sir, that Labubu is not “cute.” It is not “quirky.” It is pure chaos in collectible form—a demonic little gremlin grinning at me like it knows exactly when my soul expires. Each swing of the car sent its haunted gaze right at me, like a cursed met

Dear Lyft Driver of My “Fresh Ride,” Thank you for arriving promptly for my trip this morning. Unfortunately, the moment I opened your...

Dear Parents of the Free-Range Toddler in 14C, Congratulations! You’ve officially given birth to the first unsupervised Spirit Animal of...

Dear Traveler Who Left Behind a Crockpot at TSA, Yes, you read that correctly. A Crockpot. At airport security. While the rest of us were...

Dear Passenger at Gate T3, Good afternoon and welcome to the communal waiting area we all call the boarding gate. While most of us are...

Good morning (though “good” is doing some heavy lifting here). Thank you for promptly picking me up in Park City for my journey to Salt...

Good morning and welcome aboard today’s flight to Park City—the land of fresh powder, $19 lattes, and people who consider 7 a.m. “late.”...

Welcome aboard this five-hour voyage to Miami, otherwise known as your personal runway for 15 dramatic strolls to see your BFF three rows...

Thank you for one of the funniest and best encounters I have ever had with TSA. Today after I successfully made it through the metal...

First, allow me to thank you for the unexpected opportunity to be reassigned from my carefully chosen aisle exit row to the luxurious...

First I would like to thank you for inspiring me to reactivate my Travel Blog, especially with all of the stories of traveling through...

Happy Holidays & thank you for flying with us! There's something about you that reminds me of the holidays, but I can't put my finger on...

Thank You Delta for the incredibly quiet seat mate, when you completely messed up tonight's flight booking. I think every company should...

It’s been a pleasure sharing a row with you for the last 4 hours. I thoroughly enjoyed having to show you how to operate the in-flight...