Dear Woman Bragging Loudly About Being Internationally Known at Applebee’s

Dear Woman Bragging Loudly About Being Internationally Known at Applebee’s,

Ciao, bellissima. It is I, Sassy Sorentina, writing to you live from the exit row, where I expected legroom and silence… not a TED Talk on casual dining dominance.

You have now informed the entire row, the aisle, and possibly the cockpit that you can eat at Applebee’s whenever you like on your business trips and that the staff “around the country know you.”

I paused.

I blinked.

I questioned reality.

Darling… is this a flex?

Did I miss a memo?

Is there a loyalty tier above Bourbon Street Steak that grants you diplomatic immunity?

You keep talking. You are still talking. You are listing cities. You are naming waiters. You are describing menus like you are unveiling a Michelin star. Meanwhile, the rest of us are sitting here wondering if this is a cry for help or a performance art piece titled When Corporate Per Diem Goes to the Head.

I respect ambition. I respect hustle. But claiming national recognition at Applebee’s is not the power move you think it is. It is giving… microwave confidence.

And yet, the confidence. The volume. The commitment. You speak as if Applebee’s corporate has your face in the break room under a sign that says Legend.

She is still yapping.

No one asked.

No one nodded.

But she persists.

Sincerely,

Sassy Sorentina 💋

(Currently reassessing success metrics and praying for early boarding)