Dear Uber Driver Who Accidentally Kidnapped My Luggage,

Well. A travel first.

I got out of my Uber, closed the door, and watched as my driver immediately drove away.

Normally, this would be the end of our beautiful relationship.

One small issue.

MY BAGS WERE STILL IN THE TRUNK.

So there I was, standing on the sidewalk watching my entire collection of earthly possessions disappear down the street like I had just been eliminated from The Amazing Race.

I started running.

Not jogging.

Not waving politely.

RUNNING.

For TWO BLOCKS.

Behind an Uber.

Like airport security had just announced final boarding for my dignity.

I’m yelling. I’m waving. I’m questioning every cardiovascular decision I’ve made since 2007.

Meanwhile, my driver is just cruising along peacefully, completely unaware that he is now transporting several thousand dollars of luggage and one increasingly furious homosexual sprinting behind him.

Finally, he stops.

I arrive at the car winded, sweating, and looking like I had just completed the final leg of the encierro, except instead of bulls I was being pursued by the possibility of spending the rest of my trip wearing whatever was currently on my body.

He opens the trunk.

I retrieve my bags.

No explanation could possibly match the physical and emotional journey we had just shared.

Uber, I would like to formally suggest a new app notification:

“Before departing, please confirm you have not accidentally stolen the passenger’s entire life.”

Five stars for the unexpected cardio.

Zero stars for luggage custody.

Sincerely,

The man who apparently now has to chase his Uber