Dear Passenger Who Tried to Open the Overhead Bin Mid-Takeoff

Dear Passenger Who Tried to Open the Overhead Bin Mid-Takeoff,

I get it — patience is hard. But when you stood up mid-takeoff as the seatbelt sign glowed like the gates of hell and tried to open the overhead bin, you single-handedly triggered the collective anxiety of 127 passengers and one flight attendant who nearly developed a nervous tic.

Sir, we are still climbing. The plane is tilted at a 45-degree angle. If you open that bin right now, we’re about to be pelted by rogue roller bags, emotional-support neck pillows, and one woman’s souvenir snow globe from Nashville.

You looked so confused when the flight attendant yelled, “SIR, SIT DOWN!” — like you just got personally attacked for trying to live your truth. But this is not Costco. You cannot browse your carry-on while we’re breaking through cloud cover.

If your goal was to add live entertainment to an otherwise uneventful flight, congratulations — you’ve outperformed the in-flight movie.

Sincerely,

Seatbelted Witness in 8C (now afraid to blink in case you try to grab your snacks during descent)