Dear Passenger in 2A...

Happy Holidays & thank you for flying with us! There's something about you that reminds me of the holidays, but I can't put my finger on it.

Oh, wait, now I remember. You remind me of the Holidays at a large department store while walking through the perfume section, when the over excited perfume sales lady sprays you head to toe with the latest release of Ode Du Fuox. It is apparent you don't know how to properly apply fragrance, by spraying and walking into it. Obviously you have BATHED in your hideous scent of Na-Nastay, as it must be continuing to seep from your pores, making you a walking oil diffuser...

Yet, while the rest of us are trying to breathe, you find it necessary to cheers your glass with me every time you refill your Prosecco, and for the THIRD TIME, NO! I DO NOT WANT THE EXTRA STEAK TACO THAT YOU SMUGGLED ON THE PLANE FROM LORD KNOWS WHERE.

Don't mind me, I'll just be sitting here attempting to open the compartment where they keep the Oxygen Masks to ensure I don't asphyxiate on this flight.

Sincerely,

Ima Cho King